Everything Else

midwesternrefugee:

HEY WISCONSIN: Please make sure Feingold gets re-elected today.

Seriously.

I mean, look at him - I know that I’d definitely want my state’s Senator to be the guy that looks like if anyone were gonna play him in a movie, it would be Robert De Niro.

That’s a guy that gets things done. That’s a badass Senator.

Or, you could look at the facts, I guess. That is, the facts about Ron Johnson, a Wisconsin Senatorial candidate who loves dipping his balls into the mouths of other politicians in hopes of getting Obama fired, murdering puppies, and drilling for oil in the polar ice caps of Narnia, a land that only he can get to through a closet in his childhood lake house.*

*Some of these statements may or may not have been evaluated or verified by an actual source. But that doesn’t mean they’re not true.

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Ten Reasons to Vote AGAINST Ron Johnson today in Wisconsin:

1. His economic theory. It supports keeping the poor down in the gutters and boosting the rich up even higher than they already are.
2. He lies in his campaign ads. Try to contain your shock. He’s not a self-made man - his father-in-law gave him all the money he has today.
3. His condolence of sex offenders in the church. He doesn’t think churches should be held liable if they transfer a known sex offender to a new parish without telling anyone.
4. He’s sketchy. He’s constantly dodging the press and buys his supporters.
5. He would empower other Republicans. Another Republican in the Senate means Mitch McConnel and Jim Demint will have more power.
6. He opposes stem cell research. Which is a huge contributor to Wisconsin’s economy. Wisco is the freaking home of stem cell research in this country, and this guy is against it.
7. His objectionist philosophy. His number one political value is Economic value; and while that’s an important one, it shouldn’t trump all other values. Money isn’t everything.
8. His view on environmentalism and climate change. Wisconsin has some of the most beautiful landscapes in the nation and let’s elect someone who gives a shit.
9. His partisanship. He’s like Glenn Beck’s butt boy in some of his speeches, talking about liberals only like free speech if you are saying something they agree with. If Ron Johnson is so in favor of free speech and democratic debate, why won’t he clean the sand out of his vagina and do more interviews and agree with Russ Feingold’s request to have six debates? Douche.
10. His lack of understanding regarding the job description of Senator. You’re gonna have to do things like legislate trade agreements so that Wisconsin doesn’t get screwed, buddy. You’re gonna get your rich, white hands dirty. At least that’s what we’ll be expecting you to do.

So whatever you do, go out and vote. Unless you’re voting for Ron Johnson, in which case, move to Canada.

Happy Politicking!